Daily submarine joke

[redboat219]

As a new paratrooper, I was struck by all the T-shirts on base emblazoned with the motto "Death from above!" Later I noticed a submariner with a T-shirt that declared "Death from below!" Then, standing in line for chow one day, I was served by an Army cook. His T-shirt had a skull with a crossed fork and spoon underneath and yet another warning: "Death from within!"

[redboat219]

One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language.

For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.

Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.

Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.

The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.

[crazygary]

Being a "Paisan", I really like the Mafia Don joke!! Great!

But, now I gotta go change-a my BVDs cuz I jus' pee inna mine from make-a so much laff!!
LOL

Good one! Gotta pass this one around to a bunch of people!
Thanks for making my morning!!

[redboat219]

I remember reading this in a magazine during my highschool years. Good thing i found a copy online.

Hood, Riding, Red, Little

Once upon a time there was a female personnel whose nomenclature was Hood, Riding, Red, Little (one each). She was a girl, little, happy. Her duty uniform consisted of the following named items: (1) Dress, red, cotton, shade 76, one each; (2) Cape, HBT, red, w/ hood, (one each). Her MOS was 94B4S, food handler.

One day Hood, riding, red, little received a TWX from her Mother, Grand, Old, who was billeted off-post in a cottage, brick, red, Carhart type, w/ chimney, w/o TV, initial A/DPEN issue (one each). The TWX read as follows:

"Dear Hood. This is to advise you that morning report should read: DY to SK conf to qrts as of 0100 hrs, 1 Jan 68. Went on sick call yesterday (LD:yes), conf indef pd. However, I am feeling somewhat better. Love, related-type Mother, Grand, Your. Added: Pls see about Sep Rat for me. MGY.

Hood took the TWX to the message center with the following 1st endorsement: "Basic communication complied with. ETA your station approx 1600 hrs this day."

While enroute to the TDY destination, personnel concerned came to a forest, thick, primeval. Suddenly, out of a thicket, briar, emerged a wolf, brown, bad (one each). Wolf said, "Halt, who goes there, and what are your last four?"

Hood answered, "Hood, Riding, Red Little, 4032. I am enroute to my TDY point and am looking for the house of my Mother, Grand, Old."

"It is two clicks the road; turn left at building 2355," instructed the wolf.

"How do you know where she lives?", questioned Hood.

"I've pulled guard duty in those parts," said Wolf, who then caught a bus to the Granny's. Upon arrival, wolf, bad, swallowed Granny with a gulp, single (one each). Wolf then policed up the area, including butt cans, and jumped into bed, initial A/DPEN issue type, then pulled on Granny's AC 146-92's.

Hood, entering: "Hello, Mother, Grand."

"The fool, little, stupid, does not know that is really me, the wolf, bad, big," chuckled the wolf.

"My, what big EENT you have," exclaimed Hood, Riding, Red, Little.

"All the better to maintain maximum efficiency at minimum cost with Zero Defects,", replied the wolf.

Then, entered the chopper, wood type, handsome. Chopper killed wolf with a blow (one each) and performed necessary surgical procedures to remove Mother, Grand, from stomach of wolf, bad, big, dead. With allowance for quarters and rations, they all lived after, ever, happily.

-Unknown military author, Vietnam, circa 1968

[crazygary]

Great!!!

Only a vet could understand that one!!!

[greenman407]

Great Redboat! I really liked the "Responsible Guy" and the Hallmark cards.

[roedj]

Unclear on the concept

Sometimes ex-submariners are a little unclear on the concept...



Dan

[HardRock]

For the last few years we have been operating in desert environments and, naturally, there have been occasions when as good special operators, we have taken advantage of locally available transport. Because the Army is a caring and thoughtful employer it has provided the following Immediate Action (IA) drill to cover those instances when the local transport breaks down.

1. The camel is going OK; the camel STOPS!

2. Jump off:

3. Hump off:

4. Look in.

5. Identify blockage; invert camel and clear;

6. Hump on;

7. Jump on;

8. Ride off.

Of course, its much more effective if you have a pretty camel!

[Von Hilde]

I remember reading this in a magazine during my highschool years. Good thing i found a copy online.

Hood, Riding, Red, Little

Once upon a time there was a female personnel whose nomenclature was Hood, Riding, Red, Little (one each). She was a girl, little, happy. Her duty uniform consisted of the following named items: (1) Dress, red, cotton, shade 76, one each; (2) Cape, HBT, red, w/ hood, (one each). Her MOS was 94B4S, food handler.

One day Hood, riding, red, little received a TWX from her Mother, Grand, Old, who was billeted off-post in a cottage, brick, red, Carhart type, w/ chimney, w/o TV, initial A/DPEN issue (one each). The TWX read as follows:

"Dear Hood. This is to advise you that morning report should read: DY to SK conf to qrts as of 0100 hrs, 1 Jan 68. Went on sick call yesterday (LD:yes), conf indef pd. However, I am feeling somewhat better. Love, related-type Mother, Grand, Your. Added: Pls see about Sep Rat for me. MGY.

Hood took the TWX to the message center with the following 1st endorsement: "Basic communication complied with. ETA your station approx 1600 hrs this day."

While enroute to the TDY destination, personnel concerned came to a forest, thick, primeval. Suddenly, out of a thicket, briar, emerged a wolf, brown, bad (one each). Wolf said, "Halt, who goes there, and what are your last four?"

Hood answered, "Hood, Riding, Red Little, 4032. I am enroute to my TDY point and am looking for the house of my Mother, Grand, Old."

"It is two clicks the road; turn left at building 2355," instructed the wolf.

"How do you know where she lives?", questioned Hood.

"I've pulled guard duty in those parts," said Wolf, who then caught a bus to the Granny's. Upon arrival, wolf, bad, swallowed Granny with a gulp, single (one each). Wolf then policed up the area, including butt cans, and jumped into bed, initial A/DPEN issue type, then pulled on Granny's AC 146-92's.

Hood, entering: "Hello, Mother, Grand."

"The fool, little, stupid, does not know that is really me, the wolf, bad, big," chuckled the wolf.

"My, what big EENT you have," exclaimed Hood, Riding, Red, Little.

"All the better to maintain maximum efficiency at minimum cost with Zero Defects,", replied the wolf.

Then, entered the chopper, wood type, handsome. Chopper killed wolf with a blow (one each) and performed necessary surgical procedures to remove Mother, Grand, from stomach of wolf, bad, big, dead. With allowance for quarters and rations, they all lived after, ever, happily.

-Unknown military author, Vietnam, circa 1968

You struck a chord there, In 68 we all talked that way. We, I am refering to Vets, comma..."Bitt Nom" comma...spring brake '68 Rung Sat "Special Zone" My favorite one was "Dockers comma boon comma two each comma size ten" Remember, only people that called it Vee it nayhm are guys that never learned the language

[crazygary]

Amen to that, Von Hilde!!
"Bit Nom, where dey lub yu long time"!!

CG
Cam Rahn Bay Air Base
Class of '69

[Von Hilde]

Amen to that, Von Hilde!!
"Bit Nom, where dey lub yu long time"!!

CG
Cam Rahn Bay Air Base
Class of '69

I was in and out 3 times from 65 to 68. Market time, and Game warden, left after tet. Naval Advisory Dets MACV. No stay long time one place. Makey boom boom and dee dee

[crazygary]

Numbah wun boom-boom, den dee-dee-mau!!??

Ah, the "good old daze"!!

CG