Daily submarine joke

[greenman407]

How many US Sailors can you fit on top of a 688?

[greenman407]

HA! Well this is not about submarines but maybe it will fly anyway.

---

Once upon a time there were three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, and they all lived together.

One night the 96 year old ran a bath. She put one foot in and paused. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yelled.

The 94 year old hollered back, "I don't know. I'll come and see." She started up the stairs and stopped. She shouted, "Was I going up or coming down?"

The 92 year old sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sister’s shook her head and said, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," and knocked on wood for good measure.

Then she yelled, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

[greenman407]

Whatsup.........

[greenman407]

---

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says "I've had enough of this," and she goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "

The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"

The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!"

[greenman407]

1) Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up. 2) That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake. 3) Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1). 4) Five Minutes - If getting dress, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house. 5) Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're welcome," and let it go. 6) Loud Sigh - Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing." (See #3) 7) Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!) 8) Don't worry about it, I got it - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, see #3.)

[crazygary]

Well, shoot howdy!!

Seems ta be sumthin' we'uns can all relate to!!!

Good stuff, greenman!!!

crazygary

[redboat219]

Some Chuck Norris Jokes:

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong phone.

Some kids **** their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can **** his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.

If Chuck Norris was a Spartan in the movie 300, the movie would be called 1.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom because there is no protection from Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped into pieces.

Chuck Norris doesn't like bugs. Thats why the Beatles stopped making music.

Once you go Chuck Norris, you are physically unable to go back.

Chuck Norris doesn't dodge bullets, they dodge him.

When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.

A Chuck Norris action figure has slept with more women than you.

Chuck Norris can stain stainless steel.

Chuck Norris puts the fist in pacifist.

Genies ask Chuck Norris for wishes.

There's a 99.9% chance, Chuck Norris is your biological father.

If you flip over China its says made by Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris swims in the ocean, the sharks are in a steel cage.

Before he forgot to give Chuck Norris a present, Santa Clause was real.

Chuck Norris can punch a hurricane in the eye.

Vampires and Chuck Norris have a symbiotic relationship

The Sun Doesn't set, it Runs when it sees Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.

When Chuck Norris works out he doesn't get stronger, the machine does.

Meat now comes in four grades, Select, Choice, Prime, and Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is why World of Warcraft is abbreviated as WoW.

[greenman407]

Good ones Redboat, I am beggining to suspect that you like Chuck.

[redboat219]

Scientist have now found the cause of Global Warming, everytime Chuck Norris works out the planet's temperature rises by 1 degree.

[Sublime]

Did you hear about the Guy that joined the Navy to "See the World"?

He spent a 20 year career as a Submariner?

[crazygary]

I heard that Chuck Norris sleeps with a gun under his pillow!
Not because he's afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of him!!

[Von Hilde]

The TMCS reports to sickbay and complains to the Corpsman that hes sick and needs to check in at the base hospital. Corpsman sends the chief to the doctor, who checks him out and asks where did you first feel the symptoms. Chief says right after we left Bangcock. Doc says "Oh that explains it, Looks like wer going to have to get you started on the "Pancake Diet" Chief asked if the pancakes would cure what he has. Doc says "No, but its about the only thing we can slide under the door to your room!"

[redboat219]

The employer addressed the applicant: "We want a responsible person for this job."
"Then I'm your man," announced the young man. "No matter where I've worked, whenever anything happened, they always said I was responsible."

[redboat219]

Rejected Hallmark Cards


"Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder:...
-- What was I thinking?"


"Congratulations on your wedding day!...
-- Too bad no one likes your wife."


"How could two people as beautiful as you....
-- have such an ugly baby?"


"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love...
-- After having met you, I've changed my mind."


"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...
-- I never believed in Hell until I met you."


"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
-- that you're not here to ruin it for me."


"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!...
-- I never knew what evil was before this!"


"Before you go,...
I would like you to take this knife out of my back.
-- You'll probably need it again."


"Someday I hope to get married...
-- but not to you."


"You look great for your age...
-- Almost Lifelike!"


"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me...
-- Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."


"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend...
-- So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."


"We have been friends for a very long time...
-- What do you say we call it quits?"


"I'm so miserable without you...
-- It's almost like you're here."


"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...
-- Did you ever find out who the father was?"

[redboat219]

A dying Italian Mafia Don calls his grandson.

Grandpa: "Listen to me, I wanna you to teka my 45 cal pistol so you always remember me."

Grandson: "Grandpa, I don't lika guns. Howz about you leva me your Rolex watch?"

Grandpa: "Shudap and lissin. Somaday, you gonna run da business. You gonna have a bootiful wife, lotsa money, a bigga house, a couple of kids... someday you gonna come home and find your wife in a bed wid anotha man. What you gonna do den? Point your Rolex and say times up?"